For a year I
lived with this
delusion that
something brewed
between us and the
love I felt for you, I
thought it was reciprocal
until I realized love isn't
difficult...What I saw
was someone easy
to get along with, easy
to be myself with and
my heart leaped ignoring
my surroundings, ignoring
signs, putting too much
into something that wasn't
there blue...I've always
learned to trust my sixth
sense but the future is
never sure because minds
switch...Delusional I tell ya!
Ha! Everything except for
how I felt was forced, I was
in love with a thought, infatuated
with romancing you, I was in
love with a dream, passionate
about dancing with you, I was
in love with your eyes, encourgae
by the thoughts passing through
you...but I was delusional...this
isn't an apology because
I tried that and it was rejected...
For once when
my mind wasn't
clouded with lust,
a relationship I
knew I couldn't
rush, the woman
thinks I'm full of
shit but I guess
karma hit, I guess
karma bit, smakced
me in the face and
reminded me about the
time I split a couple
up, so she,brought cheating
to my engagement
4 times over, probably
more, when I tried
to hop back on my
feet, she slammed that
to the floor, but I
tried to split you
and him like a
deck of cards,
rolled the dice twice
and realize 6
was hard, 8
seemed easy
but she turned
her back, 9
you were breezy
you had my back...
I thought...delusional.
Karma is here...teaching
me a lesson...everyone
laughs at me with
their fingers pointing
back in their direction,
I can say the truth
and you still think
its deception, but the
news can lie
to you and that's
considered to
be perception....
Fuck it, I'll
be the black sheep,
something you can kick
something you can talk shit
about, so you can feel good
when life decides to kick you
out, the dark angel here, wings
flap to keep the demons south
but you're the dark angel trying
to kick the demon out, can't
even tell we're the same, fighting
each other so whose the demon now?
Got our brains tricked, pathways twisted
our ears become our mouth, meaning
you heard what I said so my eyes scream
it out, but I loved you too much so I'll take
the bullet so I can bleed it out, the poison
that's consumed my brain to make me
think that I had a chance with you, I
can see it now...the torture, inflicted
keep the thorn in don't fucking pull
it out, let me rewind back to
Neglected, time travel,
Dean don't do it...it's
only a road of pain,
people who don't care
, people who are better
at this game, a woman who doesn't
love you, and another who smiles
in your face but talks behind your
back, conflicted by her issues
but I pray because she's
better then that....
That's really nice Dean.
ReplyDeleteI mean even with the delusional side of it. :D
DeleteSo much emotion pouring out of your heart.
Thanks Angie! The delusional side was the romantic side of it to some degree. When we think about what delusion is, its when one has a false belief or opinion. A belief is strong. When you began to believe in something, it eventually starts to manifest sometimes. In this poem, majority of the poems this year, its about a girl I loved, also bringing spirituality into the picture. In the beginning, I had so much faith that her and I made a connection, that we had something deep; I even believed at one moment her and I may have known each other from a past life. We communicated with our eyes words could not form and I could feel that. but she didn't see that. She has a boyfriend but from what I could see, there was no chemistry; it's a long story. However as the year moved on, I kept hope alive because I had a beautiful dream; in my dream, her and I went out dancing and we had a blast. As reality kept smacking me in the face, multiple 11:11 moments, I realized what chasing this dream was doing. Delusional is the realization poem. I chased my dream until it turned into a nightmare. No matter what I think I saw or believed, I needed to see the reality that she didn't see the same thing I saw. I genuinely loved her but I'm also a little artistic so I saw a twist, a beautiful one sided love story, I saw a beautiful woman who deserved every flower in the world, who deserved to be acknowledge every day she was alive, a woman not fit for me...lol. The expectations I'm setting for myself are too high and would become so mundane after a while the extravagant would become the norm. So I'm the delusional one for loving for her when she doesn't love me back...lol
ReplyDelete