Monday, November 18, 2013


As a kid I watched as you gathered your stuff and took off to the army. I was so sad and didn’t want you to leave how you would flip me upside down, shaking me out for quarters, you would call me names and I would get mad, you would laugh and mom would get mad. Yelling “leave that boy alone I don’t want to hear him cry” but I knew I could get you in trouble if I screamed loud to the sky. Just showing some tough love to the baby, talking trash and picking on me, I was your little brother you just wanted me to be tougher. Made fun of my run because I was a chubby little something; I was trying to imitate you, because when you broke your leg you walked awkward, ran funny, I didn’t put two and two together that your leg was trying to heal, I wanted to be like my brother, the man of steel. The day we walked to Alphabeta in the rain, that guy that spit out the window and it landed on your jacket, I was ready to go Ninja turtle and slap him backwards. My legs were too short to reach his thigh, besides the asshole was driving in a car…hope he spun out. Not really but…..whatever you had I wanted to wear, you had wheat color Timberlands and I wanted a pair, mom’s got me some payless but I didn’t know the difference, they looked like my brothers and that was all I needed. 

My brother as in my brother like my mother’s son, a quote from Jay-Z who happens to be my favorite rapper; born on December 4th 1969, same as Louis whose my mother’s sisters son, all three of us like brothers, a slight difference in the years but we grew up together, remember when Louis stole Jordan’s from the Eagle Rock Mall? Uncle Lou had to chase him down, Louis feet hit the floor, feet don’t fail me now, I was a little scared but I didn’t expect that at five I was kid I hadn’t seen much since I been alive. My brother tried to teach me how to drive, I was doing fine until I was on the wrong side of the road, my heart skipped a beat and he drove back home, I almost ate all his cookies I was a little scared, the asshole honked at me I WAS UNAWARE. Well actually I just didn’t know how to drive so we quit for the day. He yelled GO DEAN!! At my basketball games, he gave me my first porn magazine and put a perm in my hair, I was about eight, when he put the perm in my hair not the porn mag. I was a teen when he showed me the mag. When he put that perm in my hair, I thought I was the shit, shades on at night looking like a pimp daddy, walking with a limp, then mom said, “ah, hell no” and got mad at my bro I just wanted to slick my hair back, I was tired of this fro. She tried all the tricks to get rid of a perm, none of them worked, so she finally cut my hair. 

My big brother, after high school time seem to drift. I got older and our 15 year difference didn’t seem so far. Except I was partying and you were in school settling down, I was in school but I didn’t take it to serious, skipping class to smoke cigarettes and play bones, take a swig of some drink and head to my last class the one I questioned why I didn’t pass…as I grew older and the party began to settle down, I found myself someone special with a little girl….you had your sons, we had the time, until that bitch fired you. You went to Atlanta which I wasn’t fond of, just when I thought we were starting to create a bond; you wanted me to come to Atlanta to visit, but a part of me was upset, you left without no opinion, just packed your bags and went; some part of me understood but the situation is what angered me, not you. 

When I was younger, in high school I thought you were a square but after hanging in the hood, I realized you were far from a square. All this time I idolized you, even in my rap days I wanted to be like you, I liked your successes, the bond and connection you make with people, how you make them feel at home and everyone is equal. Your booming voice, feels the room and makes people move, turn the music up Sheldon is here time to bust a groove. My big brother, even to this day I try to emulate you but I’ve grew up now and found my own path, just wanted to let you know that on my sad days you lift my spirits, I graduated college late well so did my brother, he’s got 15 years on me but age is a number, I’m all grown up but I’ll always look to you for strength the best big brother in the world Sheldon Parker I love you bro…

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