Tuesday, March 4, 2014

ONLY 30%

                   (None of the pictures I'm going to use are mine. I found all images on Google.)

When trying to get fit, most people think, “Man, I need to start working out more” which is good but it’s not the main thing, it’s only 30% of getting fit; the other 70% is what you eat. Today’s post is not about what you should eat, I’m going to delve into some exercises that are simple and don’t require a health club or tons of money. I know exercising can be a hassle. When you think about it, for 30 minutes of one’s day one is putting themselves through extreme pain. “Why God would you make the human body something that needs to feel pain?” Because my son/daughter, Adam ate the apple.” That’s your answer, the one thing that makes me healthy is punishing me for thirty minutes out of three days!?!” “Yes” Well anyways, exercising doesn’t have to be painful, it can be fun as well. The key is: eat right and train well. Once you hit your goal weight, you can eat well and train hard. For those who really hate exercising, I suggest eating right. Well let’s get into some exercises shall we. 

1. Sex- Men burn 100 calories during sex and women you burn a 1,000 calories. I’m joking, you only burn 69 calories during sex but could you imagine how many pick-up lines would be born from that? I know it sounds like a joke but if you think about it, set the mood. Go out dancing to a salsa club, somewhere that get’s you moving and get’s you close and steamy. Once the two of you are in the mood, go burn some more calories. If you don’t get lucky, you can still burn about 20 calories from chocking the chicken or petting the cat; some say you can burn almost up to 100 calories but you have to be really and I mean REALLY be furiously cartoonishly masturbating in order to reach that number. 

2. Dancing: Which is connected to number one. When dancing at a night club someone who weighs about 155lbs loses about 205 calories just by dancing for only 30 minutes. “LA, what about me? I’m more so close to the 200 plus range.” Hip-hop dancing burns 610 calories for those who weight 180 and up. “But what if I don’t dance hip-hop?” Look there’s all kinds of dancing, let’s just say dancing burns anywhere from 200-1000 calories to keep it simple; now combine that with the number of calories your burn during sex or masturbation. Let’s say men you burn 300 at the club and you and your gal go home for a nice night of passion. You’ve burned 400 calories or 420. Ladies, let’s say you burn 600 calories and go home for a nice night of passion, you have burned 669 calories or 620.  

3. Jump rope- Aww, I’m done reading this shit. You had me at dancing and sex. Yeah, I know but I had to keep your interest so we could get to the things that can lead you to dancing and sex. It’s really a fun work out and if you have kids, you can implement them into it as well. Jump roping works out your calves but if you do it long enough, you began to shape up your upper body as well. Jump roping involves the whole body. Let’s say you weight about 200lbs, if you jump rope for about 10 minutes at a moderate rate, you burn 158 calories, if your about 155 lbs you burn about 123 calories. Definitely give it a shot. 

4. Bicycling- Everywhere in the world, people ride bikes. I’m glad a few hipsters went to Europe one summer and made it a style here in America because we need it, badly. Bicycling can burn quite a few calories. At 220lbs, riding a bike at 14-16mph for 30 minutes, one can burn up to 528 calories. If your about 170lbs, one can burn up to 408 calories. It truly is a good exercise and its fun. 

5. Weights/swimming- Both are really great ways to burn calories. I’m not going to go to deep in depth with numbers because this is getting long and I’m going to cut it short but weights and or swimming burn a massive amount of calories and help you get tone. If you don’t have weight’s push-ups or lifting your own body weight is a awesome alternative as well. 

All in all, if you failed at 1-5, there is always the one alternative you can do. You’ve been doing it since about age 2 and that’s walking. As with anything, check with your doctor before you try any of the above 1-5, I’m neither a doctor nor a nurse so any information that I give is strictly from me trying and learning. If you’re getting back into working out, remember moderation and time. DO NOT hurt yourself trying to lift 200lbs, swim in the ocean during a rip tide thinking, “Rip Tide? This is a Challenge!” No, it’s not, it’s nature’s way of saying stay away or don’t swim in the pool thinking “maybe I can have sex with the pool jets and swim at the same time that’s Burning a lot of calories”, take some kind of sex pill or Viagra if you don’t need it (trust me, when I was 18 my friends girlfriend dipped into her dad’s medicine cabinet and dared all the guys to take a Viagra pill. It was a hard night. Pun intended.) Dancing, I’m not sure how you can hurt yourself but PLEASE be safe and Bicycling, if you’re starting out, stay the F***K out the street. Well, I hope this was an informational and entertaining read and as usual, this is not my normal style of writing but that’s why it’s called “No Title” it’s random. Feel free to look around and check out my other writes and if you have any other questions, let me know in the comments. Bye-bye. =)  


  1. I love to exercise, Dean. It's as natural to me as breathing. The most miserable time in my life was a two year period in my mid-twenties when I was leading a sedentary existence-reading and thinking and all that stuff. I never made that mistake again.

  2. Interesting, what lead you to just reading and thinking only? I like exercising as well...I do have my days when i don't feel like it but I have to be really tired or just not motivated. Lol...