Burn little flame

Late August/early September is the worst time for Los Angeles. For some odd reason, every year towards the end of a mild summer, it wants to get hotter than the devils fart. After about two weeks of a heat wave of all combinations, monsoon type weather, Florida type weather, Egypt weather or Florida and Egypt in one day kind of heat, the air condition just is not the same anymore; well it is but at some point of time, you want to come out side and get some “fresh” air; you also want to eat. Who wants to cook when the house is that hot? Not me. So it’s grilling time. Grab some beers, turn the radio on, and have a relaxing evening. At night, you sort of feel the normal cool LA nights when it’s been really hot; you feel cold Pacific Ocean breeze sweep past your wet, damp body every 20 minutes or so; depending on what part LA you live in, the breeze may be stronger or even cooler. Where I live at, in the valley, you barely feel it. If you do it’s about 1 maybe 2 in the morning before you feel anything remotely close to a sea breeze; but some nights, it’s strong enough to creep over that hill early on in the evening and join your nice BBQ and accompany you with your beer. 

On one of these hot nights, the ocean breeze wasn’t the case. There was no breeze. Just still hot ass fart air. I grabbed my beer, went out back, and was sweating like a dog cleaning the grill and taking out the old coals. Grill was clean, the new coals were in, the meat was seasoned; now all I needed to do was light the grill. The coals would NOT catch fire. Went into the house, grabbed some news paper and lit the news paper on fire. The coals still would not catch. Impatient, probably because I was hungry and it was hot as shit, I stormed around in circles stomping my feet on the ground. After doing that for a minute and realizing the fire was not going to start from pouting, I gave it a shot again. YES! One coal lit. NO! the pacific cold breeze I told you about, yeah, decided to rush my back yard blowing out the one ignited flame I had. Back to square one. 

I grabbed more news paper, still no go. I sat down, opened the beer. I read the bag. Match lit ready; match lit ready my ass. I sat there, took a swig from my beer and said fuck it, let me go get some new charcoal. At the moment in time, my mom came by. What’s wrong? These charcoals, there no good. No Good? You just started the fire last week with the same charcoals. Yeah I know but for some reason, these aren’t working. Did you try new paper? Of course, no go. Ok, did you try putting the new paper on bottom, putting the charcoals in a pyramid then lighting the news paper? No? So we put the new paper at the bottom, put the charcoals in a pyramid and lit the news paper; the news paper wouldn’t catch. Both of us at the same time, that’s odd. Mom, it’s getting kind of late, I’m hungry, I got work in the morning, can I just buy another ba--- I think I got some fluid around here somewhere. 

Ma, its ok I can just run to the store and get a small bag. No response. Okay, so I searched for more news paper. We lit it again. The paper caught. You know son, all you need is a little patients. The cold Pacific Ocean breeze came by, blew the flame out. Uh, the flame is out. No, look under there, look under that coal, that coal is burning. Ma. I’m cooking steak. That little coal is not going to catch. Okay son. She picks up the cup off the floor and pours lighter fluid in it. She puts the charcoals in it and then tosses them into the pit. The fire Jumps. I knew that. The fire goes out. Ha! I knew that too. Where ever there’s smoke there’s fire; she points to the rapidly growing smoke. Yeah well, when you put a fire out there’s smoke, I said in an immature voice in my head. She danced around the pit with the lighter fluid taunting the small flames. They would jump, then simmer, burn little fire. She would taunt it again, the flame would jump at her, and it would simmer, burn little fire burn. Like an aggressive lion leaping out at its God only to realize, that’s it’s his God and cowardly back’s down; for it to only stay within respected boundaries of being the aggressor is what the flame did. She circled around the effortlessly flame. Still only in the middle, was it getting hot. I joined in the little taunting. She would pour I would light. The flame would jump. She would pour some more I would light, the process repeated. 15 minutes had gone by, and the little flame had grown. See son, all you need is patients. She opened the door and went back in. 

Feeling a little stupid but schooled and educated at the same time, I took lesson from this. That little flame is like my business. I’ve been working on growing my business for 3 years but because of life, just a lack of funding, the growth of who I have and still have to become has taught me a lot. The times I would just quit on my business; the times when I had a hot ideal but didn’t see the smoke; or maybe saw the smoke just lacked the resource or knowledge to execute it, I quit. Burn little flame.  The frustrating day’s at work just drained me and never allowed me to get any further. The motivations, which work gives me to propel away from that place. Scooping bloody napkins out of baskets and having to clean up diapers is not an ideal life for me; anyone at that rate, maybe it is for some. 

Before you think, at least you have a job, don’t think for one moment I am not grateful. I am grateful everyday that I can wake up and know there’s some money coming to me at some time of the month but saying, “at least you have a job” has been a cop out and has kept me at Sams Club for 10 years. This recession, has made everyone mediocre. It’s okay to be doing okay and I never accepted okay. I want to live life. Nothing to it but to do it is the saying; I should be fucking Nike the way I do it. My unethical bosses, how some of my unethical bosses, make me wish the worst karma on them. In school, I always wondered, “why did every five week course at phoenix end with a discussion on ethics?” I understand why. The thought having to be taught how to act is a tad sickening to my stomach and it makes me wonder why these non-religious, don’t believe in God freaks want people not to believe in God. Atheist: Don’t push your non-religious ways on to a world who say’s stuff along the lines of, “if there were no God, I would kill you.” The reason why religion is still here: because ton’s of people do not know how to act and need a boundary; the world, it still needs a threshold. I know how to behave but believe in God. If there were no God, I wouldn’t just kill; it’s not normal. However, non-religious pushers, realize that man did not create the niuverse; however our brain cells look like it. 

The small flame that grew, grew to this, “I can grill every meat in my fridge” flame. Go and better yourself. So I graduate school and join network marketing. Stupid is what most would say. Not all the way; I realize the ending to this tunnel of MLM;  society, let me ask you something, how is it, you can see me pushing baskets in 105 degree heat, feel sorry for me, and tell me things like, man you should get something better. So when I seek something, I get this job is a scam. I figured out a plan. I figured use network marketing so I can get the money and then do what I really want to do: start my clothing line. 

See my actions, you see my motivation, I’m not just some money hungry freak whose main goal in life is getting a sale. I saw a great product. Fuck network marketing. And fuck those who don’t support network marketing; so I’m practically saying fuck myself. All jokes a side, what kind of PR would do that. We, say that sell reps of these scandal companies have no ethics; yet we shop at (Insert whatever you company you like) I’m not against major corporations. I’m against people who are against major corporations but still shop at their store! Hypocrites. Burn little flame, burn.  I’m going to leave you on this note, Did you know that men have nipples because it’s a sign that we all started off as women at one point? =)  Ha! Sexism…